what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
