just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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