U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
