You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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