So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
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Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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