I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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