my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
