It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
