We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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