How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
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Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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