my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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