Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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