Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
