Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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