She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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