he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
