I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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