The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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