I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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