He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
