I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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