I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
