I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
