Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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