so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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