Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
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Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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