i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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