I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize