trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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