I think i peed on brittanys purse
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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