I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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