Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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