Small penises have feelings too.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize