I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
