so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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