i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
