look no pants
This is not my ceiling
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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