he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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