if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
