I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
