i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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