it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize