I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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