Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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