I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.