College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...