I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
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well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.