Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
