using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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