Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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