I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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