Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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