There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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